Monday, January 31, 2011

11 more to go..

Below is the "New Year" letter I sent to friends.I welcomed the ending of 2010 ,I was exhausted with grief and wanted to begin the year "saying whats in my heart" as the letter states ,I felt if I opened my heart I could walk away from the worst year of my life into the beaming sunshine of a brand new life.

So far my 2011 has not literally beamed with sunshine,we are experiencing one of the snowiest winters on record here in NY but I have been happy,busy and hopeful.

I'm ready for the next 11 months and that beaming sunshine

Happy 2011 !!!!!

If I had looked into my future last new years eve and saw this past year I would have hid in a cave until it was all over, but in many ways I am happy I didn't see it all coming.

I have learned that the most wisdom comes from the situations when you feel like nothing worse could possibly happen, and then it does.

The best gift I have ever received was the letter my Ma left for my family and I (she left one to each of us) to read after her passing.

That letter inspired me to start 2011 off by writing my own letter to the people I love so that whatever this new year brings, I begin it by saying what’s in my heart.

You my friend are in my heart and its because of the spectacular memories we have made that I want to make more with you.

I hope to end 2011 by saying “that was my best year ever” and I hope the same for you, I hope to be part of the memories you make and would be honored to have you be a part of mine.

So Happy New Year and from the words of Eddie Vedder

Feel the air up above ,Oh pool of blue sky.

Fill the air up with Love, All black with starlight.

Feel the sky blanket you with gems and rhinestones

See the path cut by the moon for you to walk on ...


Thursday, January 27, 2011

I have looked over the edge and its amazing

I am back,after a long time away..time away is good sometimes I think.

Its the thick of winter here in NY and I am in hibernation not so much by choice but then maybe some choices aren't always "our" choices if that makes any sense.

I am taking three online courses this semester,all intensive writing courses and they are intense.My favorite so far is the Philosophy course and our next assignment is to read Ishmael in a week,which leads me back to why I'm in hibernation.

Tonight the snow is falling in small spurts and when it does fall its almost like tiny little pebbles,not the fluffy fairytale kind but rather frozen.The sound is like rain hitting a tin roof and its making me sleepy.

The holidays are gone and the new year is well on its way,I am happy for this..the holidays were nice but a bit haunting and even while I was feeling joyful from time to time during them I always felt the absence of my ma.We did have an authentic charlie brown tree this year !!

I am currently listening to "The Freewheelin Bob Dylan" and ignoring the fact that I have reading to do, essays to write and laundry piled in the corner..the pitter patter of pebbly snow and dylan is more enticing right now.

I wonder if this year will be better and if I will finally hike the Appalachian trail? stay tuned..its on my bucket list.

You may be wondering why my title is speaking of the edge ,well I feel like I have been pushed right to the brink of life and stood there for hours not always fearless ,not always well put together but I've stood there and felt the veil between where we live and where I think we go when we pass,and the power of love that holds you together while standing there is beautiful..the view from the tip of insanity can be amazing if you choose to see it that way,I have seen it and I write to tell about it.

I will leave you to make some tea and attempt to read but I refuse to do laundry tonight,I would rather fall asleep to the pitter patter of snow.