This blog is inspired by the loss of my grandma..My "Ma" who taught me everything I know about love life and laughter..this is my journey with loss love life and laughter................
"Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around,
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground,
I can follow the path, I can read the signs,
Stay right with it when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon.
I don't even notice she's gone,
Most of the time...."
This book is a requirement for the course I am taking called Death and Dying. I heard great reviews about this book prior to the course and I believe a movie was made about it as well. I placed it on my reading list of "one day when I have time books" and never found the time. I think in some ways I didn't want to read it. The descriptions sounded like it may bring up some securely hidden emotions. I am an empathetic reader, if a book interests me ,it is like I become the character, I will carry the acquired feelings with me for days so a book like this may set me back a few steps,or so I thought.
The book did bring up hidden emotions I have buried since I saw my grandma take her last breath. I have been asked to describe my feelings, I have yet to find the words. This story touched on my experiences before she passed and it spoke to me in a way that not much else has. I have amazing friends who walked every step of those days with me ,I have family who was present for every single moment and carry their own set of scars and yet I am unable to express in any real depth what I actually feel,even to them.
I chose a new career path of hospice nursing based on my new view of life and love. I am inspired even further to keep forging ahead on this path ,this book helped the light at the end to glimmer brighter. I always believed it isn't so much the destination but rather the journey that guides a person towards their highest self.
I try not to write too much about my sadness here,I would much rather spread light, I am not usually so sad but sometimes its best to be honest. I wasnt feeling much light yesterday and sleep did not grace me well with its presence.I walked to the window at some wee hour this morning and was greeted with the very start of the sunrise ,the sky was silent.
I sat in the stillness and watched a prism of colors slowly illuminate the sky until daylight broke.
I contemplated darkening all of the windows and summoning sleep but instead I went to work where I acquired my current raspy throat.
My Irish grandma had the best remedy :
Boil water with a squirt of fresh lemon
Pour the lemon water over black tea
Add a shot of Irish Whiskey
Take a spoonful of honey and mix it all together.
So as the Harvest Moon painted the sky tonight I sipped my tea and the stillness returned.
I think I have been kidding myself lately. As summer comes to a close and the leaves begin to flutter about with the apple scented wind,I am kind of sad. I adore Autumn,I wait for it all year,I always have and yet as it begins to grace the earth in its crimson magic,I am feeling more and more dismal.
I think it may pass and I suppose its symbolic of the seasons,as summer ends the harvest begins,we now reap what we have sown. I believed I have sown good tidings except I have ignored the ever present flicker of grief lately,as the leaves fall off the tree's,I need to allow the tears to fall so as to reap the goodness that only a cleansing can give.
The Harvest Moon dances in the sky tonight and year after year I believe it becomes more enchanting,it is and will always be my favorite moon.